While I have enjoyed a little summer hiatus I think it’s time for me get back to my writing. This summer has taught me a lot about where I come from and really trying to stop the cycle. In August I went to Dominican Republic to go visit my grandmother who has breast cancer. Thankfully she is doing much better and is done with her chemo. But while I was there I also saw and spoke to my dad. Now a little background on my dad and I’s relationship… it’s nonexistent. My dad has never done anything for my mother and I, nor did he show up to my mother’s funeral service when I was in Dominican Republic back in April. Which made me really not want to fix any type of relationship I had with him. But that’s neither here nor there. When he started to have a talk to me about my mom and how sick she seemed the last time she was there, something clicked. The way that he spoke about her wasn’t out of love, or compassion, it was like she was just another person he knew, that had passed through his life. And that's when I realized that, first of all there's a huge difference between a dad and a father ( I’ll dig deeper into this on my podcast). And secondly that my mom spent all this time loving my dad and that love was never reciprocated, at least not in the way that she wanted or needed. I also realized that there were so many parallels between my love life and the way I treat all of my significant other with unconditional love when I only receive it conditionally. Now don’t get me wrong I pride myself on loving everyone but the line needs to be drawn somewhere! Once I realized this pattern I literally told myself I needed to stop, that was obviously easier said than done but you know what I’ve made great strides so far. I also want to say that I didn’t write this post so I can drag my dad, because at the end of the day we are human. Him being my dad has nothing to do with the fact that he is still a person trying to figure his own shit out. Maybe he also has some hereditary traits passed down that he is unaware of or maybe doesn’t want/know how to fix. But I do know this, just because someone is parent doesn’t mean they are held to a higher standard. We should get to them as we know our peers, not to say that I will do that with my dad cause that ship had sailed… But for other that have strained relationships with your parents I implore you to do so. I’m sure they are trying to navigate their way through life just life us. It might just help you heal.
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